Sunday, 25 October 2015

Distance: Killing relationships since...?

“The scariest thing about distance is that you don’t know whether they’ll miss you or forget you.”

-Nicholas Sparks, The Notebook

     As some of you might know, I`ve been to London this weekend. And I wasn`t there alone, of course. I`ve met my dear friend Veronika, whom I haven`t seen for 2 years. And what a wonderful get-together!
     So all this London trip got me thinking: Is distance killing relationships, or can distance make relationships stronger? As always, truth is somewhere in the middle...

Non-romantic relationships

      The new era of high speed connections throughout the world made real distance obsolete. Times, when my great-grandma sent a letter to her loved one and waited for an answer for 3 weeks is over. We don`t have to worry about missing letters, or lost messages anymore. We got skype. Facebook. Social media. Even soldiers can make an instant contact with their families. Imagine that in comparison with WW1!

     I think that distance doesn`t hurt any non-romantic relationship. This is because we don`t really expect our friends to be at every major life- changing decision. But still, we want them in our lives, so it`s enough to stay in touch and learn the news about one another. This is exactly my case with Veronika, although I`d be lying if I said I don`t miss her. She gets me. She knows when I`m lying. She can tell what I`m really about and I can tell her anything. I think she thinks I`m sick in the head by now. But she`s still there.

Romantic relationships

     If you and your loved one are separated for a longer period of time, let`s say 6 months, it really gets hard. This hardship doesn`t mean loneliness alone. What`s really hard is to keep up with lives of one another even when you`re not there for each other.
     The problem with long-distance relationships is that expectations are too high. You might expect that your loved one would be there for you at every life-changing moment. You might even expect them to be there for you, when the times are hard and harder. But that`s just not possible. If you lower your expectations, your love might keep up with the pace of life. Then again, it might not be that love you felt when being together. That`s a risk coming with distance in romantic relationships.
     Because you never know, if the person  you love so much, still loves you the same. There is simply not enough interaction in your lives to tell.
     And that`s why the distance in romantic relationship really is scary.

When expectations become reality

     In long-distance relationships, expectations become reality very often. The problem when this happens is that once you`re back together, you confront all these expectations you have about one another with real life. And let me tell you; it`s not that bright. Because every relationship needs a come-out phase, when you basically put your lives back together into one shared experience. That`s exactly the moment, when expectations balance with reality. And if they do not, the relationship suffers.
     This happens much more often, when one person has his/hers expectations set too high, while another too low. There is another way to put it: If your reality doesn`t match expectations of the other person, the other person will suffer, because of their expectations. He/She might even feel like it`s not the same as it used to be, while you feel still the same! That non-verbal connection of being on the same level is gone and you might feel like something`s missing, even though it`s intangible. I can bet this would be the first element of your relationship to go.
     Since there is not so much to be expected out of friendship, or at least not in comparison with romantic endeavour, relationships tend to hold more often, if both of engaged people show their interest in one another. There is simply no field for high expectations and low reality game.

Because someone clever once said: "Don`t expect much and you won`t be disappointed". But in the end, it`s up to everybody`s consideration if their relationship can last even if separated by distance.  That`s also the reason why some romantic endeavours withstand distances and some don`t.

About Unknown

My name is Sidney Aldaine. And this is the start of my ultimate project, my Fantasma. My way of helping people to make them feel better. My way of contributing something of a value to the world we all live in. Thank you for stopping by, I hope you enjoy my little corner of the web. Place, where I left a piece of my soul and dreams. A Fantastic place. I would love to call myself a blogger and a writer some day. And I`m not going to give up this dream, at least not until my Fantasma comes into reality.

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